Sorry I Never Told You
by CatieBella
Summary: It's been fifteen years since the war ended, but some people are still coping with losses.


DISCLAIMER: You guys know I don't own this stuff, why bother telling you?  
  
I stood there in shock for a moment, my feet planted on the ground, my body swaying. I thought I was going to faint. I realized that my hands were still in the same position, about to tie my long red hair in bun. I released my hair and my arms dropped to my sides. "Gin...Gin, are you alright?" my brother Ron asked me. I spun around to face him, tears in my eyes. His three sons were standing around him, looking just like he did when he was ten, nine, and five, only with more brown in their hair. Ron saw my face and leaned down and said, "Hey guys, I think there's some faeries out in those trees, why don't you go look?" and with that there was a stampede of feet and the three boys ran past me and out the door. Ron walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Ginny, what's the matter?" he said softly, his face full of concern.  
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Just a long wail. Ron wrapped his arms around me. "I...I almost forgot what day it was!" I sobbed into his shoulder. "And...and...and then when you c-c-came over with the boys and said that Hermione was having dinner at your house for Jimmy's birthday tonight, I...I remembered!" I pulled away and walked over to the fireplace. "Ron, I think I need to be alone now if that's okay. I'll be over tonight, I promise," I said.  
"Are you sure you're okay?" Ron asked. I nodded. "Alright, the boys and I will head home," he said, walking over to the door. "Jimmy, Mark, AJ!! Come on, we're going home!" he called into the yard. I heard three groans as the boys started walking towards the house. They popped their heads in to say "see you later" and then the four of them were gone. And I was all by myself in the house.  
  
Today was December 19th. Today my nephew Jimmy, was turning eleven. Eleven's a big year. That meant next September he was going to be off to Hogwarts along with many of his cousins. Eleven years ago today, Ron and Hermione Weasley, two of the finest people I know, became the parents of James Harold Weasley. You know how he got that name? Because fifteen years ago today, Harry James Potter died. It had been a Hogsmeade weekend, everybody had been getting Christmas gifts, everybody had been happy and that's when they attacked. Voldemort had killed Harry, but because of Harry's mother's love, there was a complex spell in Harry's soul. And the moment he died and his soul was free, it destroyed Voldemort and all of his followers. A long time ago, Ron made a prediction that he was going to suffer, but be happy about it. Well, I guess it came true because I know that Harry would have been so happy that he saved the Wizarding World.  
What's happened since then? Well, everybody had a hard time dealing with the loss of Harry. I guess you can say that some people never really got over it. Ron and Hermione had a rough time, they almost cancelled their wedding, but they went through with it. I didn't get married. I graduated, got a job in the Ministry and threw all of myself into it. But I still remember each December 19th to visit somebody. Have a good talk with them, even though I can't hear what they're saying. So after my brother and his sons left, I reached up to the shelf above the fireplace and grabbed a small picture frame and then I went to the front door, got my coat and scarf off of the hooks, put on my layers, tucked the picture into my coat, and walked the few blocks to the most peaceful place I know. It's got a little wooden fence that's painted white around it and there's lots of tall trees that provide excellent shade and make the whole area seem so quiet. In the center there's a grave with nothing fancy on it that reads: centerHarry James Potter July 31, 1980 - December 19, 1997 The Boy Who Saved Our World You'll Forever Be In Our Hearts/center And there's lots of flowers and candles and stuffed animals and other trinkets around it. Not too many people know it's there. I was there the day he was buried and a few months later I was there when we had to bury my father. I walked by the graveyard every day, but I never stopped in. It took me five years. It was the day Jimmy was born. I was so overcome with emotion that I ran all the way to the graveyard and collapsed on my knees in front of Harry's stone weeping. And once I calmed down, I just sat there and talked to him. I never talked about his death or how much I missed him, but about what was going on, I'd tell him the current events and Quidditch scores. It's been a yearly tradition.  
  
When I got to the stone, I sat down crossed legged facing it. I pulled the picture out of my coat and looked at it. It was a picture of Harry and me sitting in front of the fire cuddling. Neither of us were looking at the camera. We just were sitting there, so in love with each other. It was a Muggle picture taken December 18, 1997 by Colin Creevy. I looked at the picture and felt my heart sink. Nobody had known what was going to happen the next afternoon. I put the picture down at the foot of the grave and sighed.  
"Hey Harry, it's me, Ginny," I started. I always wondered if he was listening, if he knew my voice. "I really want you to hear me today, more that I've ever wanted you to hear me before. I'm going to tell you all of the things I've been wanting to tell you for ages, but never did. This all should have been said so long ago and if I could go back in time, I'd tell you all of it. Really, I would.  
"I remember the last time I talked to you, even though it was fifteen years ago. I remember it so clearly, as if it were yesterday. We were walking in the woods by Three Broomsticks and it was snowing and we were holding hands and you told me that you thought it was all very romantic and I laughed because I didn't know guys knew the meaning of romantic. I'm sorry I laughed. I wasn't trying to be mean. And I remember you were just about to kiss my forehead as we heard those awful screams. You looked towards town and saw the Dark Mark and started to run and told me to stay right there, that you'd be back, that you didn't want me to get hurt. And I did stay, I stayed until I couldn't see you anymore and then I ran the same direction you had gone. I wasn't going to let you fight alone. When I got there, everybody was fighting. You saw me there. You looked at me. Then your attention went back to fighting. I went to help fight. Then I heard Neville scream your name and he started running and Hermione screamed and passed out and I went to go look to see what happened and Ron came running over to me and grabbed me and wouldn't let go. He wouldn't let me go see you. And when he was holding me, the most random thought had popped into my head. It was what I was going to say to you in the woods before we heard the screams. I was going to say that I was cold. And if I had said that, you would have wrapped your arms around me. That's what would have happened in the woods if we hadn't heard the screams.  
"I have this picture on my desk at work of the four of us, you, me, Ron, Hermione. It's from the ball in your sixth year. Dumbledore decided that we needed something to be happy about. That ball was so much fun. I remember you and Ron making fun of Hermione and I for going to get ready so early but later you whispered in my ear that all that time had been worth it. Some nights I dream that I am back at the ball, practically a child, so naive and innocent. And everything is decorated beautifully and all of our friends are there, smiling, laughing, having a good time. And in the middle, there you are, holding your hand out to me, asking me to dance. I always look at that picture and think of you and smile. And while every thought of you brings a smile, it also draws a tear. I know you don't want me to cry, but I can't help it. It's hard.  
"I always wonder what I'm going to say to you when I see you face to face again. I always imagine that I just start talking to you like it's a normal conversation. Like I had just seen you moments before. But now I think that I would wrap my arms around you and just apologize over and over for never getting a chance to say goodbye. And after that I think I would try to explain to you that feeling of emptiness. I remember Bill coming up to me and giving me a hug and I couldn't even cry. All of me was just filled with this big, black, void. I remember seeing Remus Lupin and he saw me. I remember Neville was leaning up against the fence. He saw me and shook his head. And he looked over and asked me if I had ever heard the story of how you had gotten on the Quidditch team. And he told me the story and we both laughed a little. It felt wrong to laugh. I think I would tell you everything that reminded me of you and how all those daily reminders made it so harder for life to go on. Ron, Hermione, the Great Hall, Christmas, the field behind the Burrow, broomsticks, dress robes, anything green, the lake, fireplaces, oh just everything, everything! Most importantly, I would ask you everything. What's it like where you are? Is there a name for it? Can you see, hear, sense everything? Do you miss us? Are you happy? Can you really look down and see us? Or is this after-life thing they tell us just one big lie? Because sometimes that thought pops into my mind and I do my best to push it out. I don't want to believe that. Next time I see you, we're just going to sit and talk forever about things. That's really how it's gonna be this time. Forever.  
"My hope is that you will keep the skies sunny and all of us safe. I do believe that you hold our fates in your hands. Live well, for you now have unlimited dreams and youth. All our dreams and youth left us along with you and we will never have them until a time not known to us at this moment. I know that we will be seeing each other again some day and as much as I am looking fowards to it, I don't want to be taken too soon. I still enjoy life on this earth.  
"I truly believe that you aren't just staying under this stone, laying there still and quiet. You are every gust of wind that blows my red hair into my face, you are the tears I cry, you are the rain drops that fall down around me. You are in every word I say, in every action I do. Your resilient spirit is forever captured in the bright sunsets over the lake and the glow of a full moon and stars in a backyard. Your heart is forever with the things you love. Your friends, Quidditch. Your future is now with all of us, just like ours is with you. You continue to swing from stars, fly from cloud to cloud, and make people feel intense emotion. I believe you exist, just not as I am used to.  
"I do not mean this to be the complete goodbye that I didn't get to say fifteen years ago. The last time I said goodbye to you, I gave a smile and a small wave, like a simple "see you later". In essence, that's what it truly is. Goodbye is not forever. It took me fifteen years to realize that. You always said Ron had a thick skull, and I'm his little sister so it makes sense, right?  
"That's all I'm going to say for now, but I'll be back and I'll talk just like I used to about Ron and Hermione and the kids and Quidditch. Take care, love," I put my hand on the top of the gravestone, as if I was putting her hand on Harry's shoulder. It felt like a great weight had been lifted off my chest. Then I started to cry. I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs and just sat there in the graveyard, crying the hardest I've ever cried in my life. Here am I, a grown thirty- one year old woman crying my eyes out for the boy I loved fifteen years ago.  
  
I don't know how long I sat there. I had stopped crying after awhile and just sat there, not saying anything. It got dark, it got colder. I finally looked at my watch and saw that I was late to Jimmy's birthday dinner. "Goodbye," I whispered and lifted two fingers to my lips, then pressed them against Harry's name. I ran back to my house to grab Jimmy's gift. I didn't even bother to wash my face and not make it look so blotchy. When I got to Ron and Hermione's house, I went in the front door without knocking like I usually do. I could see all of my siblings and nieces and nephews and my mum were filling the living room, dining room, and kitchen. "Sorry I'm late, you guys!" I said, as I took my coat and scarf off.  
"Were you held up at work?" my mom asked with an annoyed look on her face. She hated how I hadn't gotten married and had kids.  
"No, I had something to do," I said, shooting her one of those looks I used to give her when I was a teenager and I didn't want her knowing every single detail about my life. Hermione came into the living room and saw my face. She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into the bathroom.  
"Ginny, did something happen??" she said with the utmost concern.  
"No...I just had a good talk with Harry," I said.  
Hermione's eyes grew wet with tears. "Oh Ginny!!" she wailed, before dissolving into sobs.  
I embraced the smaller girl. "No, it's okay, I promise, Hermione," I whispered to her. "I had things to tell him that maybe I should have said fifteen years ago to make this whole thing easier. I'm okay now."  
Hermione grabbed two facecloths off a shelf. She pressed one into my hands and kept the other for herself. "Let's wash off our faces so we don't look like idiots out there," she said, sniffing.  
We came out of the bathroom and Jimmy came running up to Hermione. "Mom, Mom! Can we have cake now?" he asked, jumping up and down.  
Hermione laughed. "Sure, why not? Ginny, there's some leftover food on the counter, make yourself a plate," she said, rushing off towards the kitchen, surrounded by all the boys.  
I looked around the room, looking at each of my brothers, their wives, their kids, my mum. These were all the people I loved. And in that moment, I realized I was happy.  
  
/center A/N: I might write a sequel to this, so look out for that. It won't be as sad as this, I promise. It's going to show Ginny moving on and maybe getting married...oh yeah, if I write it, you know you wanna read it. 


End file.
